Clearly it's been eons since I've been on here. I have, once again, totally dropped the ball on this blog. #majorfail! My goal is to write on this blog often enough that I don't have to preface and/or start each post with "it's been eons since I've been on here." Painful!
It's been five months since I have become a domesticated diva. Errrrrch....I HATE THE TERM "DOMESTICATED DIVA!" So, scratch that. It's been five months since I left my consulting company for the green, lush valleys, and scenic overviews of being a stay-at-home Mom. Now, I do work 10-20 hours a week for a company doing editing, but, for the most part, my bread and butter is taking care of the second love of my life, my heartachingly (new word! Coined it here!) adorable daughter, Yeats Valentine (YV for short).
Life has been interesting since I left consulting. I notice that I am no longer stressed to the gills by things that truly don't matter in life; is my client going to be happy with the proposed changes to the way-ahead on the project; will my client accept the changes I've made to the risk matrix happily; shoot, I have to do my time reporting certification; will I work under 50 hours this week and get at least one non-work-filled evening with my family? The end. ## I mean, this was the every day, the every minute as a consultant. Having YV truly opened my eyes to the fact that - while I LOVE working (read: I love making money!), I do not love living each and every one of my days for government client(s) and I do not LOVE consulting. Sadly, there was a time when I did.
I feel a much greater purpose when I rise every morning - being there to teach my daughter new things and help her discover new places, people, feelings, sounds and so on, PERSONALLY! It is amazing, and the single most rewarding experience I could EVER, ever imagine, without a shadow of a doubt. I feel truly blessed and thankful that I am able to have this option, and it is not a luxury that I take lightly, especially since we have CERTAINLY (!) missed having my salary. I never wanted to be a stay-at-home, and truly, when on my first date with Jeff, my now husband and YV's father (for those in the not-know), I was all but TOTALLY turned off when he mentioned that he hoped that who ever he married would want to be at home with the kids, as he valued that one-on-one interaction as he was growing up. I did not have that, and didn't see that for myself, and so... "WHAT, WHAT?!" I said, in my head (that rhymes). I thought it was such an antiquated and strange and unusual-for-this-day-and-age comment, especially from such a successful and professional man, living in such a forward-thinking city as DC. We had MANY conversations about it as time went on. MANY. I wanted to work full-time when we had kids. Finally, Jeff came around to this. Then I actually HAD A CHILD...this is key, people! I had MY child, and I met her, and the idea that I wouldn't be with her; I wouldn't be the one interacting with her daily, it just didn't sit with me. AT ALL. As in, I had straight-up panic attacks over it during my maternity leave. I want/ed to work, want/ed to make $$$, but - not at the cost of not being my daughters first and best teacher. THIS feeling is DIFFERENT FOR EVERYONE. I preface that emphatically. Each family's circumstances are different, and each Mom has to do what's best for her, given those circumstances, and given what they need to do. I get upset when working Mom's say, "how is being at stay-at-home Mom? I would go CRAZY being at home all day, I need the break, I love having the balance." I get defensive about that, b/c truly, I would like "the balance" too, but - I PERSONALLY (!) felt that, at this time in my daughter's life, my balance was LESS important than her development, and that I would never, ever, ever get this time back - this infancy, this period of getting to watch every single milestone, and ME getting to help YV reach them. It has been a gift from God that I cannot fathom not having.
I did not EVER think I would be the person to say, I want to be a stay-at-home Mom. EVER. And in fact, I still VERY MUCH struggle with those words "stay-at-home Mom." The connotation in my head is: dirty hair, un-showered, pajamas, smells like formula and syrup, tired, overly caffeinated, spiteful, bored, unchallenged, lonely, and on and on. I feel like that's the way that our society paints being a "stay-at-home." And yes, sorry ladies, some women DO fit that mold, sadly. Yet, for me, being this person - a stay-at-home Mom, nothing is farther from the truth. I am busy ALL day long. I wear makeup and dresses and get pedicures and manicures, and read, and learn and feel challenged, and limit myself to 1/2-1 cup of coffee daily, ;) I take long walks, I am in control, I have a LIFE. I am none of the things I thought I'd be if I went to the dark side ;) I am more responsible with money now than I have been my ENTIRE life. This is huge for me... I was a see-and-buy person before, I saw something I wanted, and almost no matter the price, I bought it. $1100 bag? Mine. Now, I am the opposite, b/c I no longer have my salary to do with whatever I want. This is the HARDEST part of being a stay-at-home Mom, definitely. At least for me. But it has also been the most beneficial for me, personally. I worked my A*S off for 11 years, prior to Yeats, and in fact, was on conference calls DURING labor, I was so devoted to my client(s). I got paid well, and not making that money now is...gut-wrenching at times. I do know that's somewhat sad, to care that much about, and to get such a rush from money. But, the flip-side is, being there for YV when she needs me and being the person who affects her and is shaping her more than any other person in the world, has no monetary value...it is priceless. And thus, I KNOW I made the right decision.
This is just my perspective, btw. I have to preface that for the sensitive ones who will take this post personally. It's not about you. It's about me. That's the point of a blog. ;)
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